hope that i get old before i die…

i was listening to one of my favorite songs tonight and the lyrics took on an entirely different meaning for me in my current frame of mind. i guess i always had a certain image of what the song was saying, but when comparing it to my current situation and recent events, i just had an epiphany over this song and so i’m going to post the lyrics here for everyone:

love sees love’s happiness
but happiness can see that love is sad
that love is sad
sadness is hanging there
to show love something somewhere needs a change
they need a change

they’ll need a crane
they’ll need a crane
to pick the house he built for her apart
to make it break
is gonna take
a metal ball hung from a chain
they’ll need a crane
they’ll need a crane
to pick the broken ruins up again
to mend her heart
to help him start
to see a world apart from pain

lad’s gal is all he has
gal’s gladness hangs upon the love of lad
the love of lad
some things gal says to lad
aren’t meant as bad but cause a little pain
they cause a pain

they’ll need a crane
they’ll need a crane
to pick the house he built for her apart
to make it break
is gonna take
a metal ball hung from a chain
they’ll need a crane
they’ll need a crane
to pick the broken ruins up again
to mend her heart
to help him start
to see a world apart from pain

don’t call me at work again
no no the boss still hates me
i’m just tired
and i don’t love you anymore
and there’s a restaurant we should check out
where the other nightmare people like to go
i mean nice people
baby wait
i didn’t mean to say nightmare

lad looks at other gals
gal thinks jim beam is handsomer than lad
he isn’t bad
call off the wedding bells
nobody wants to hear that song again
play that again

they’ll need a crane
they’ll need a crane
to pick the house he built for her apart
to make it break
is gonna take
a metal ball hung from a chain
they’ll need a crane
they’ll need a crane
to pick the broken ruins up again
to mend her heart
to help him start
to see a world apart from pain

they’ll need a crane
they’ll need a crane
they’ll need a crane
they’ll need a crane

well, i don’t update as often as *some* people i know, and there’s a very good reason for that. i originally didn’t want to bring much of my personal life into this blog, but i guess it’s going to happen, kicking and screaming. ok, more like sitting and venting, but whatever. so the few people out there who know me (and don’t ever comment for some reason — maybe it’s the lack of updates. i hope so…) know what i’m going through right now with my marriage. had a talk earlier today about things that have been going on recently, and she honestly thought that we could still have sex (together of course) and that it wouldn’t confuse the issue for us. now, i don’t know how most women think but it seems to me that a lot of them think that having sex with their boyfriend/husband/significant other means that he/she/it is still attracted to her and that there are shared feelings between the two of them. mrs moondog denies that she’s even thinking that, even though her actions say otherwise. when there are not many feelings left, or they are hidden deep and waiting to be rediscovered, it makes for a difficult time to literally get up and get going. and this is why sex is confusing the issue, because if she thinks that we still have a chance just because we have something physical, it will only make it that much harder to explain if things keep getting worse between us. she even said once before something like “if you don’t care why do you still have sex with me?” so if anyone is out there reading and has something they’d like to add or correct or just plain comment, please let me know.

well, tomorrow we have to put one of our cats down and it is just starting to sink in. we’ve had this cat since he was about one year old. he used to be the cat that hid all the time and never came out, but he would follow you into the bathroom almost every time he heard you going there. i would always let him follow me in and pet him and eventually he started to come out of his shell and became a very friendly, if very silly, cat. he used to belong to our old roommates, but they barely paid any attention to him so we ended up with him when they moved out. a few months ago he was diagnosed with lymphoma, which is cancer of the lymph system and developed a lump in his stomach. we still have 3 cats, a dog, 2 rabbits, a snake and a few fish tanks, so the transition without him will not take too long. but it is just one of those times when my emotions are overflowing, and it’s so hard to see him try to be normal but he can’t. but i know that he will be in a much better place after tomorrow…

so my neighbor had this bike sitting outside for over a year, and hasn’t started it for two years. if my parts i ordered come in tomorrow (new brake pads) this bike will be ready to go riding i can’t wait to get on this thing and go for a ride. i want to use it for my commuting during fair weather, cause it still gets much better mileage than either of my cars. as long as it doesn’t rain too bad (and it doesn’t get too cold) i can ride this thing for some time.

just a little bit on the bike: i bought it last week (almost to the day). the guy thought it had carburetor problems, but apparently there was a vacuum assist line on the gas tank that prevented gas from getting to the carbs. so i got a new line for it, and cleaned out the carbs and it started right up after that i cleaned out the air filter, changed the oil, the coolant, and the fluid in the front forks (the front suspension). and it still needs a little bit of work to make it run great, but right now it runs pretty damn good for not starting for two years