hope that i get old before i die…

well, most of the day today i’ve been feeling pretty down and depressed. it all started when i was cleaning up the basement to pack my things for The Big Move next week. i came across some letters from an old friend that i haven’t heard from in almost 12 years or so. it got me yearning for the days when we could talk to each other at just about any time of day or night, and about almost anything and everything under the sun. i took a chance and tried to look her up on classmates.com and actually found her (i think — i hope). so i paid the membership so that i could email her and was notified that she read my message but no reply has come. so i’ve spent the better part of the day going through what might have happened 12-ish years ago to turn her against me, or at least why she thinks she should blow me off. then i think that maybe she isn’t blowing me off, maybe she’s composing something to say to me. then i go back and forth between these two and also the possibility that she could be not responding in order to discourage me from talking to her again. every new scenario plays out in my head and eventually it makes me sad to think that someone who i considered to be one of my best friends in the whole world at one point doesn’t seem interested in renewing the friendship. but if that’s the case, then life goes on, it’s not the end of the world. but it would be nice to know what happened to ruin the friendship, or at least get some kind of explanation on why i can’t at least get a “hey, i’m doing fine. talk to you later” email i guess i should just take the hint and move on….

well, i was cleaning out the basement and came across a bunch of letters from a couple girls i used to correspond with back in high school and just out of high school. i guess the big shocker was that i remembered a lot of the events referred to in the letters, although i don’t remember many of the people who were part of the stories. but it made me sad, in a good way, and i guess i realized how much i miss having them as my friends. i haven’t heard from any of them for over 10 years now, one of them for almost 15 years. i thought i had tracked down one of them some years ago but it wasn’t them after all… i wish i had the omniscience to just snap my fingers and instantly know where all of my old friends are now, but i guess i’ll just have to wonder how they’re doing instead.

…to go through many separate experiences and think “that may be the last time i ever do that here”. maybe sad is too strong a word… maybe it’s more like melancholy, or maybe it’s like that long dark tea time of the soul creeping in around the edges. all i know is that i am getting an anxious wanderlust again, and no plan for the immediate future.

so after spending 8 years together, me and mrs moondog are separating for the time being. there is a huge run of emotions i’ve been going through, and i know she hasn’t been taking it very well at all. but we both know that we need to do *something* because our relationship has reached an impasse. i think the reason she’s not taking it very well is because this is an open-ended separation, meaning that we may never get back together again. but i know that i feel like i need to get away from things for a little while and find myself again, and if finding myself means losing her, then i guess that’s how things have to be.

so we had to put one of our cats down (in case you weren’t paying attention from previous entries). not even two days later, this kitten came running from down the street and came up on the porch and didn’t want to leave, so we decided to keep her. the first couple pics are her a few hours after we found her, the next two are her today

• there should be a “good driver” lane for us good drivers to use to get around all the stupid people behind the wheel.
• people who are terrible tippers should be forced to work for tips just to see what it’s like when they don’t tip
• there must be a way to tell a woman she has nice feet without her thinking you’re some creepy foot fetishist
• if a woman is going to wear thong underwear with jeans that are cut so low and so tight that her underwear sticks out above the back, she should just go without
• i forgot what i was gonna say here
• it would be nice if life were like the movies in that you would hear spooky music when you were about to be frightened, or you could live your life as a series of flashbacks and flashforwards
• that as much as i would like to continue writing here, that i would prefer to lay down and go to sleep