hope that i get old before i die…

well, i went to my usual karaoke hangout on thursday nights, thinking that my friends who normally show up would still show up even though they never responded to my emails about going. oh well, i thought, they’ll be along like they usually do. i’ll still go and have fun without them. earlier in the day we had a going away party for one of the girls at work whose last day is tomorrow (today at this point in the story). i tried to talk her and another girl we work with into going with me and they were kind of non-committal as well but again, i figured it’s time to have some fun before the weekend so i head out anyway.

a few months ago i was at this same bar doing the same thing on a thursday night and these three very cute girls were also there having a good time and doing some very silly things on the stage during their songs. i thought they all looked very young, like early 20-somethings at the time but i was too chickenshit to go talk to them. my excuse is that i had just had my heart stepped on from a recent dating experience and i wasn’t ready to make that approach yet. but really i just never got the nerve to say something and then they left early so i missed my chance.

well today they were at the bar again and this time i decided to go up and say something. we all immediately hit it off and they let me hang out with them all night and even filled me in on their gossip when they knew i had no idea who or what they were talking about. it was a great experience, not just because they were incredibly cute girls of course the above title was said to me by one of the girls a couple hours later when i mentioned that it sucks my friends never showed up tonight. and i have to wholeheartedly agree with her sentiment. i probably would not have had as good a time with these girls tonight if i was there with friends cause i wouldn’t have felt the need to talk to anyone outside our group. at least, not to hang out with anyone outside our group. not unless our groups got together and became one big group of people instead of two little ones. but i digress…

after sitting and talking with them for a few hours, i discovered that they were not early 20-somethings after all. the *youngest* of them is a few months older than me. and the oldest one was 35. so basically my age, which was very cool. and the one who was my age (within a few months) went to the rival high school of the one i went to for a couple years and we decided we probably saw each other at a party once or twice and didn’t realize it. it truly is a small world after all… but it’s also way way way past my bedtime, but i think i’d rather have fun with the hottie girls than get a full night’s sleep. and the funny thing was that i kept a lot of the other guys at bay just by being near these girls. we all had a laugh at one guy who tried to approach them and ultimately turned away before he could get shot down in flames. and the other guy who just sat and stared at them all, then CAME OVER TO STAND AT THEIR TABLE AND STARE AT THEM. it’s so awesome to be able to just meet people like that and just sit and chill out together. they said they might be there again in the next couple weeks, but the one girl has a 9 year old and can’t always get out. but we’ll see what happens from here i suppose…

my manager at work is the world’s biggest babysitter, that’s the only way to describe it. at least, that’s the *nicest* way to describe how she is. i want to work for someone who lets me do my job and actually encourages me to succeed. what i’ve got is someone who is constantly looking over my shoulder, showing me as little confidence in my abilities as she possibly can, and basically just ignores me until she needs something. the ignoring me i can deal with, it’s the lack of trust in my skills that really bothers me the most. she asks me to do something (and yes i’m going to be purposely vague in this post) and when i come to do my part she gives me a little bit of background of the problem, then when i’m ready to do my job she tells me “oh nevermind, i’ll get ____ to do it*” or my personal favorite “why don’t you ask or to find out for me” i am very ready to be done with this job, and it started so well for me too. i guess it’s like having an intense short fling (not that i’ve had many of those ) it starts out so well and so intensely perfect but then sort of fizzles out at the end and it’s time to just move on…

*note: ______ is not supposed to be doing my job. only i am supposed to be doing my job.

here we see some israeli girls writing messages on bombs about to be dropped on lebanon. regardless of whether or not you believe israel is justified in bombing civilians in response to three soldiers getting kidnapped, the fact is that there is absolutely no way in hell that israel can hope to get their soldiers back by causing so much death and destruction. when there is a conflict such as this where both sides have a never-ending hatred of each other, how can anyone expect the situation to be resolved any time soon? and even if it ends, who is responsible for rebuilding lebanon now that their economy is essentially crippled? the just answer would be that israel would bear the responsibility for the destruction they have caused, but of course i doubt israel will contribute one dime (or shekel as the case may be) towards *anything* that they have done.

a lot of this conflict has been focused on the children involved, and this is actually a very good thing for everyone. when you see the pictures of children killed or injured by the bombing, assuming your media allows publishing those pictures, you can’t help but wonder what could possibly be so important that children have to die to accomplish whatever goal has been set. i think the grotesque part is how israeli children are writing dedications to destruction on bombs that are eventually going to kill their counterparts, either lebanon or gaza it doesn’t matter. politicians are always so quick to jump on the bandwagon of saving children from the evils of the world, but it seems like none of them from the US or israel are that interested in the welfare of arab children as long as their own kids are not the ones getting bombed.

israel would have us believe that they are for a peaceful resolution to the conflict, but their actions speak otherwise. of course, “peace” as defined by the israeli government seems to mean the absolute destruction of their enemies, and that is never the way to win the hearts and minds of the opposition. this is excluding the situation from before the recent escalation, which was pretty much the same thing they’re doing now just on a smaller scale. it’s so much easier to destroy people’s homes and infrastructure with an f-16 than it is with a few bulldozers. as an american it makes me incredibly sick to my stomach to realize that it’s *my* tax money paying for this war, and most of the others too… can’t we all just get along?

well, it was my birthday last week and that almost always means a wave of depression and melancholy. this year was much different for me, in that i came in with no expectations and actually had a decent time going out to dinner with my mom. i didn’t get much in the way of gifts, but i don’t really have too many material wishes. but i did get a decent digital camcorder from my mom’s husband. this is something i’ve always wanted because i have always had an interest in making films. when i went back to school i wanted to minor in film but at the time my school didn’t allow it (bastards ). so now the only thing holding me back is a lack of time, but i hope to remedy that in the near future

i got to see (or is it hear?) some incredibly good music last night. it all started a few weeks ago when i saw the band “what made milwaukee famous” on some tv show that i can’t remember. i added them to my myspace friends and was told that a couple of them would be putting on a show here last night. so i thought it would be good to check out the stripped down version of the band. and earlier in the day i happened to meet a guy who worked at my company before i got hired there. he came back to visit everyone who still worked there and we ended up going out to lunch together. my co-workers mentioned he was in some band but they didn’t know who. so when i asked him about it he said he wasn’t in a band, but he was playing with some of the guys from “what made milwaukee famous”. so i made up my mind to go to the show anyway. oh, and if you’ve never heard WMMF before, you definitely should check them out and just so you have a little incentive, here is their myspace page.

one of the next bands was called the court and spark. while trying to find out what they were like i got so many different answers it was starting to get silly. one of the guys i talked to said, “well, they’re from san francisco so they’re basically hippies who eat burritos and wear flip flops”. not exactly a ringing endorsement for their music so i asked the bassist for the headliner band (who i had been talking to on and off before and during the show). she said to me “um… they’re really nice people….” again, it got me wondering exactly what this band was all about. so i asked some random guy standing there. he said “well, they wear white suits and their bass player is like 9 feet tall”. hmm… apparently nobody knows how to describe a band beyond their lifestyle and personalities. well, i have to say that they kind of sounded like if the grateful dead were a southern rock band. if you like both genres of music you will almost definitely appreciate this band they definitely surprised me but then i didn’t exactly get a great description of their music…

then the headliners came up, they were called shearwater. this was quite an assortment of talent in one band. instead of having a complete drum kit they had a guy who did percussion with a stripped down trap set with a vibraphone, maracas, tamborine, and a host of other noise making devices at his disposal. the bass player just played bass, but the singer and their other band member played guitar, banjo, keyboard, bass, and pedal steel guitar interchangably. it made for an incredibly great sound and the singer had the mannerisms of david byrne-meets-britt daniel-from-spoon.

i think the best part was actually hanging out with the band members throughout the show. there is nothing quite like getting to know the musicians themselves in their element, especially when they are building their following like these bands are because they are still down to earth for the most part. no rockstar ego’s to get in the way and make them come across as jerks. and to get such an experience for only $8, you really can’t beat that kind of entertainment value

well, i just spent the last few days going through every piece of homework i have ever done for the last 20 years. my dad thought it would be a good thing to dump all the stuff of mine that he’s had in storage at his house over the years. it was very interesting to go back in time and look at how things have changed, but for the most part it was stuff that doesn’t make sense to leave hanging around. i mean, some things were worth keeping, but i don’t need to look at homework that i not only don’t have the original book for, but the answers don’t make any sense either. like the paper i found that had a list of numbers with letters next to them because i had selected the multiple choice answers. what am i gonna do with that? although it *was* fun to go back to some of the math i had struggled with in middle school/high school and see how much i could do without thinking about it now

i think the two things that stand out the most in my mind from the stuff i found are all my childhood report cards and the collection of poems i wrote throughout high school and just after when i thought i wanted to be a writer. of course i don’t have all the stuff i’ve written because i gave the originals to people without keeping a copy for myself. but the fact that i still have this much after so long is good enough for me. and it’s interesting to see some of the comments on the old report cards and just kind of laugh at what i must have done to get them. like places where i need improvement are, “neatness in daily work”, using time effectively”, and my personal favorite “refrain from unnecessary talking”. anyone who has met me over the last 10-ish years would not call me the most talkative person they’ve ever met, so i guess i got it all out when i was a kid? i have my own theories about that, but i think i’ll stick with “got it out of my system in the 2nd grade”.

i also found pictures of people i have no idea who they are. little wallet sized anonymous school pics of people that were very important in my life at one point but who are now just a space at the bottom of a box. it makes me wonder how many of them remember *me* and how many boxes my picture has found itself at the bottom of. i’m sure more than i want to think about. but that’s life for you. people come and people go, the only thing we can do is to just take things as they come. i leave you now with one of the poems i found that i wrote, probably sometime around 1992-ish i’m guessing judging from the material around it. i don’t think i’ve ever shown this to anyone before, at least not that i know of. but again, someone could be finding these words at the bottom of a box they haven’t opened in years and wondering where they came from….

I have tripped the light fantastic,
I have sailed upon the breeze.
I have pushed aside the veils
That separate lives can breed.

But —

I have no need for love,
I have no need for hate,
I would rather you would let me
Be your friend and not anticipate
The rejection of the Mind
That sets the lovers apart from friends.

well, i finally sold the bike this afternoon. i thought i was in real trouble because the bike was running till this last week when the battery died. so i charged up the battery all night and went to try it again and got nothing. i had power to all the powered parts, but it just didn’t have enough juice to turn over. so i thought i had a shorted wire and was gonna have to spend *more* time fixing this thing yet again. but when i went to charge the battery again i noticed that i had one dead cell on my battery. luckily the shop i got the battery from has a 6 month warranty on them so i got it replaced for free and the bike started on the new battery.

oh, i forgot the trouble part. i put the bike on ebay and had 15 people watching it, asking some really good questions about it and i figured it would be a bidding war till the very last second. but then yesterday this guy just hits the “buy it now” button and i’m left having to explain that no, the bike isn’t *quite* ready to be driven. i felt like i was being shady but i explained to him that i would cancel the bid if i couldn’t get it running, or at least offer him a discount if he wanted it. but i kept him informed and he was satisfied with it

and in other news, former milwaukee socialist mayor frank zeidler died today at 93. i actually met him a couple times in the not too distant past. he was a very sharp man, even in his later years. always willing to go the extra mile for just about anybody and he was always the humble one no matter who he was talking to. i never got to actually sit and talk to him for very long but i knew him through activist circles. as i said, he was quite down to earth and i know he will be missed….

so i just found out that i have gotten visitors to my little corner of cyberspace through some search engines. no big deal right? i mean, one of my earliest commentors found me by searching for “i hate andy roddick” (don’t know if quotes were involved though…) but recently i find that my most visited page has turned up on a search for “young girls in g-strings” and i’m not sure how i feel about this. on the one hand, it brings in traffic to my site where normally i would not get any (so to speak). but on the other hand, i’m being read by people who were looking for… um,… young girls… in g-strings… i’m surprised the pages of my blog aren’t sticking together from this traffic coming in (so to speak again…) i guess “young” is a relative term, so they could turn out to *not* be pedophiles coming to my site. but then again, this *is* the internet, where websites advertise about how young their “models” are as their biggest selling point and sex drives roughly 85% of all internet traffic in some way. so i guess i should not be too surprised that a post with g-string in the title should pick up some extra traffic here and there. as long as these visitors stick around and find me interesting enough to come back, that’s all that matters yeah, that’s what i’ll keep telling myself….

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/5137768.stm

israel has launched an air strike against the new palestinian prime minister’s offices, they say in response to the kidnapping of an israeli soldier. which in itself was in response to israel launching missiles which killed a family of seven having a picnic at the beach. which was in response to some palestinians firing rockets into israel (which have only killed two people over the course of four years). and so on and so on and shooby dooby dooby as the song goes. at this point there is no point in trying to figure out “who started it”. what israel needs to figure out is that they can’t just go around using these heavy handed tactics if they are actually interested in negotiating peace. specifically, they should not be going around blasting the offices of the new palestinian government no matter how much they don’t want to work with them. also, they should not be going around arresting government officials if they think this is going to somehow convince the palestinians to release the kidnapped soldier.

unfortunately, this is such an emotional issue for both sides that i don’t think this will be resolved without a serious international intervention, including the US putting pressure on israel to stick to the “road map” that they agreed to. but the US/israel relationship is at the heart of a lot of the hatred the middle eastern countries feel towards both countries. and who can blame them, considering that the US has given israel the equivalent of $13million every single day since israel was founded in 1948.

but back to the original topic, no matter what the hamas group is doing or is accused of doing, the simple fact remains that they are the official elected government of the palestinian people. israel claims to be the only democracy in the middle east, but they are unwilling to even enter into talks with the hamas government. the only reason they find themselves having to deal with a hamas-led government is because they marginalized the former fatah government, which happened to be a moderate regime, especially compared to hamas. but even if israel does enter into talks with the hamas government (which is seeming less and less likely every day — hamas has declared they will begin attacks within israel again after a cease fire which lasted 16 months), even if israel starts discussions on the kidnapped soldier, they have already declared that they will set their own borders unilaterally no matter what happens with the palestinian government. so here we have the israeli government making a lot of noise to the effect that they “don’t negotiate with terrorists”, and saying a lot about making peace, while all the time building a wall that is not only taking palestinian land whenever it’s convenient to do so, but then making the decision to draw the final borders of an israeli state without any input from the palestinians much less the international community. and this is a peace plan? if we are neighbors, and we hate each other, and i tell you that the only way to make peace with me is for me to decide where my property ends without your approval, after i’ve already taken part of your home, will that make you want to suddenly stop hating me? no? i didn’t think so. so why does israel think this will solve their problems with the palestinians? it truly boggles the mind how short-sighted these “plans” really are.

so the last few days i have felt much more alive and my normal self than i have for quite some time. i got totally down on myself for not seeming to have many friends. and while i still don’t have many friends, at least i have come to the conclusion that i don’t need to have someone around to have a good time (although it *would* be nice to go out as part of a group once in awhile…) this afternoon i sold my very old (circa 1970) guitar amp that i bought many years ago when i first started playing guitar. i didn’t get quite as much as i would have liked, but i got way more than i paid for it 15 years ago so i’m definitely not gonna complain about that *too* loudly i took it in to a shop to ask them if they thought i should fix it up a little, mentioned in passing i was thinking of selling and the guy made me an offer right there on the spot. told him i wanted $600-ish and he offered me $500. considering i got this thing for around $200 if that, i think i made out alright

so to celebrate i decided to buy myself a few cd’s. normally i do not buy music at all because it’s so overpriced at the store. i mean, $16 for a cd that probably cost them $2 to produce (if that) is just obscene. and hardly any of that actually goes to the artist anyway, although if they get $1 per cd and the cd goes platinum, that’s a million dollars right there, so i guess that’s the point? but i went looking for some rap that i want to own but don’t have and i ended up with a jean grae disk called “the bootleg of the bootleg ep”. i am not very familiar with her work, but i’ve seen her perform live and i was very impressed with what she had to say. plus she collaborates with one of my favorite rappers, talib kweli, so i’m more than willing to pick up her music just on that alone. i also picked up gnarls barkley because i really like that “crazy” song and the other song i’ve heard from them. so far there’s only a couple songs i’m not too fond of, but i’m sure the more i listen to it the more i’ll know when to skip them if they never grow on me. and rounding out the purchases today is kaki king, “legs to make us longer”. i haven’t listened to that one yet, but i’m a HUGE fan of her work. i got to briefly meet her when she opened up for david byrne and she seems like a very nice girl, even if she was a little distracted trying to watch over her merchandise and carry on a conversation at the same time.

anyway, i’m debating on whether or not to go out again tonight. this would make three nights in a row - almost a new record for me sad to say. but i’m off for the next three days, so i want to pace myself so i don’t end up getting sick again when work starts up on wednesday. we’ll see what happens i guess. i could easily take a big nap right about now, but then my sleep would be all screwed up for the next couple days if i do that. if there is one thing i *must* have, it’s regular sleep.