– they say noam chomsky is the most quoted intellectual of our time. for anyone who has never seen him speak, the reason he is the most quoted is because nobody can sit through a whole lecture without falling asleep at his monotone delivery. much better to have someone else quote you the good stuff later, trust me on this one.

— speaking of chomsky, i would LOVE to be in line to a speech by him, or someone of his ilk and stature, and have people hoping for classics, similar to the banter overheard at a big name music concert. “oh man, i hope he does the iran/contra speech again tonight” “yeah, i bet he encores with panama and the spread of US hegemony in latin america”

— arizona is reporting tainted melons. does that mean that they have melons with big balls?

— easter is supposed to be celebrating the day that jesus rose from the dead after being crucified. in other words, the church is celebrating the zombification of jesus? i guess that’s why there’s no record of any sermons after the resurrection. can you imagine a zombie jesus roaming the countryside, people come from miles around just to hear him say “braaaiiinnnss…..” of course, with the zealotry of today’s chrisitians, we’d have a veritable zombie army by now….

— i realize they call it faith because you’re supposed to just accept that it actually happened, but i still think that someone arranged to have jesus’ body removed from his tomb, hid the body, then told everyone he rose from the dead and made this whole “son of god” mystique around it. “no seriously, he rose from the dead! well of course there’s no body, he ascended to heaven because he’s the son of god!” “ooooh, that explains it alright”

Jesus was way cool
Everybody liked Jesus
Everybody wanted to hang out with him
Anything he wanted to do, he did
He turned water into wine
And if he wanted to
He could have turned wheat into marijuana
Or sugar into cocaine
Or vitamin pills into amphetamines

He walked on the water
And swam on the land
He would tell these stories
And people would listen
He was really cool

If you were blind or lame
You just went to Jesus
And he would put his hands on you
And you would be healed
That’s so cool

He could’ve played guitar better than Hendrix
He could’ve told the future
He could’ve baked the most delicious cake in the world
He could’ve scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky
He could’ve danced better than Barishnikov
Jesus could have been funnier than any comedian you can think of
Jesus was way cool

He told people to eat his body and drink his blood
That’s so cool
Jesus was so cool
But then some people got jealous of how cool he was
So they killed him
But then he rose from the dead
He rose from the dead, danced around
Then went up to heaven
I mean, that’s so cool
Jesus was way cool

No wonder there are so many Christians