an open letter to the person who stole the stamp off my cable bill this afternoon:

are you *that* poor that you can’t afford to drop 42 cents on your own stamp? hell, even if you bought a stamp at the store down the street you would only be charged 50 cents for it! i’m sure you could’ve stood on the corner outside of that shop and *begged* for that much money within about 5 minutes! it’s not that hard to come up with the money to send a letter these days you know.

yes i realize the post office just raised the rates, which means that stamps will cost you ONE WHOLE PENNY more than they did last week. i’m sure if you walked the five blocks to the nearest post office you’d probably find at least one penny lying on the ground between here and there. the post office is real good about trading in currency for postage, even pennies that you pick up off the street.

you do realize that it’s technically a felony to tamper with someone’s mail? so you could be facing prison time over 42 cents worth of postage. lucky for me that it wasn’t a very important bill, it was just the payment for my cable. if you’re gonna commit a felony though, you should have gone all out and just taken the whole thing. you would have had my checking account information — everything but my social security number, which you probably don’t need to make any online purchases on most websites these days.

anyway, i want to personally thank you for destroying the last vestige of my faith in humanity. or at least my faith that nobody will mess with the mail once it goes into the outgoing mailbox. if you looked at the return address then you know where i live, so come on by sometime so i can properly show my appreciation for your thievery. give me some advance warning and i’ll make sure to put on the steel toed boots before you get here cause i just want to go that extra mile for you to show you what i think of what you did.

sincerely,
moondog