well, i thought this would be a good time to dust off the cobwebs of this place and get writing again. today’s subject has to do a little bit with quantum physics theory, so i will provide some background on that first for those who are too lazy to look it up, or who can’t understand the reference material. we start with the fact that at the quantum level, the pieces of matter we know and love like protons, electrons, neutrons, and all the rest do not have a well defined area of space and/or time that they exist in. in other words, they are impossible to measure without highly specialized and expensive equipment. werner heisenberg said that not only are they impossible to measure, but that you can’t know one set of parameters without totally messing up some other measurements in the process. for instance, you can possibly measure a particle’s position but you can’t really know its momentum once you measure its position accurately. in physics we call this collapsing the waveform, because most particles act similar to waves at that level, and the equations that describe them closely fit equations for waves. the reason the waveform is collapsed though, is because once you measure a piece of that information you forever change the way that particle/wave is observed and it will never go back to the state you found it in from before you measured it. understand? taking the measurement of quantum particles forever changes the nature of those particles.
so there’s this girl that i’ve known for about a year and a half. we’ve had some good times and some better sex but for the most part we had an understanding that we were mostly friends with benefits and that was the end of things. all that changed about six weeks ago when we took a small road trip together. we found ourselves enjoying each other to the point that i started thinking that we were finally taking that step from friends with benefits to potential girlfriend material. over the course of this year and a half we had our moments where she started to let me in but then would push me away. then she’d let me in again but then push me away. lather, rinse, repeat. this time around, she didn’t push me away when we started getting closer. so i operated under the assumption that we were actually making something work together and it would not be long before we became “official”.
…and that’s where the happiness ends. because last week an old friend from high school came to town. an old friend who happens to be a guy. an old friend she hasn’t seen in over four years. an old friend that she thought about trying to sleep with on several occasions long before i came on the scene. my more astute readers are already knowing where this is heading. yes, she spent a total of three days with this old friend and has decided that he means more to her than anything else in the world, and i should just understand because “we didn’t have a commitment to each other anyway”. 
needless to say, i’ve spent the last week in a range of emotions that nobody should have to endure in their lifetime. i think i’ve lost several pounds on the “crushing depression” diet. and she knew i had feelings for her but didn’t think i was going to be as good to her as this guy. who she hasn’t seen for four years. who, although they knew each other before, is almost certainly not the same person she knew in high school. and so everything i’ve been working towards this past year and a half is gone in one weekend.
what does this have to do with quantum physics? it is this: my relationship with this girl was measured. the waveform collapsed — big time. and it is now forever different for the future. the fact that she has been one of my best friends i’ve ever had just adds insult to the injury, we can never go back again. she’s set determined to be with this guy now and she’s convinced herself that he cares too. and i can’t talk too much about how fast they’re moving because i was in a long term relationship that moved almost as fast. but most of my time with this girl was actual time spent together, and that means that as long as he’s around i will not be able to be around her. and she wants him to move in with her soon. so in the space of three days, we’ve gone from hanging out almost every day to we may never see each other again. if ever there was a candidate for the phrase “collapsing waveform” outside the realms of physics, i think this definitely qualifies. nothing makes sense right now, and every day is a challenge to make it through till tomorrow. but i have a lot on my plate this week, so i’m hoping it will be enough to help me get over the fact that the potential current love of my life is now no more than the proverbial dust in the wind….