hope that i get old before i die…

two years later and i finally get to experience my first earthquake in LA. i realize this is an area known for its geological instability, but the reality is nothing like the TV/hollywood version (it never is!). of course, it was nowhere near “the big one”, clocking in at around 5.4 on the richter scale. but it still gave everything a good shake for about 20 seconds and the only casualty was that the water dish for my cats spilled some water on the floor. cell phones stopped working for about 30 minutes right afterwards, but they say it’s because everyone suddenly makes a bunch of calls to make sure everyone (and everything) is ok. all in all, it was a good introduction to the phenomenon and i’m glad it wasn’t a bigger earthquake, otherwise i’d be super pissed at my insurance agent for not sending me the earthquake insurance papers two weeks ago like i asked them to…

i find it strangely satisfying for some reason when i look over at the car next to me and see a very cute girl driving a sports car, acting like she’s got so much attitude. then seeing her reach up to pick her nose. AND THEN EAT THE BOOGER! it’s too bad that it’s considered creepy to take pictures of people in their cars when they don’t know you’re watching them.

well, i thought this would be a good time to dust off the cobwebs of this place and get writing again. today’s subject has to do a little bit with quantum physics theory, so i will provide some background on that first for those who are too lazy to look it up, or who can’t understand the reference material. we start with the fact that at the quantum level, the pieces of matter we know and love like protons, electrons, neutrons, and all the rest do not have a well defined area of space and/or time that they exist in. in other words, they are impossible to measure without highly specialized and expensive equipment. werner heisenberg said that not only are they impossible to measure, but that you can’t know one set of parameters without totally messing up some other measurements in the process. for instance, you can possibly measure a particle’s position but you can’t really know its momentum once you measure its position accurately. in physics we call this collapsing the waveform, because most particles act similar to waves at that level, and the equations that describe them closely fit equations for waves. the reason the waveform is collapsed though, is because once you measure a piece of that information you forever change the way that particle/wave is observed and it will never go back to the state you found it in from before you measured it. understand? taking the measurement of quantum particles forever changes the nature of those particles.

so there’s this girl that i’ve known for about a year and a half. we’ve had some good times and some better sex but for the most part we had an understanding that we were mostly friends with benefits and that was the end of things. all that changed about six weeks ago when we took a small road trip together. we found ourselves enjoying each other to the point that i started thinking that we were finally taking that step from friends with benefits to potential girlfriend material. over the course of this year and a half we had our moments where she started to let me in but then would push me away. then she’d let me in again but then push me away. lather, rinse, repeat. this time around, she didn’t push me away when we started getting closer. so i operated under the assumption that we were actually making something work together and it would not be long before we became “official”.

…and that’s where the happiness ends. because last week an old friend from high school came to town. an old friend who happens to be a guy. an old friend she hasn’t seen in over four years. an old friend that she thought about trying to sleep with on several occasions long before i came on the scene. my more astute readers are already knowing where this is heading. yes, she spent a total of three days with this old friend and has decided that he means more to her than anything else in the world, and i should just understand because “we didn’t have a commitment to each other anyway”. needless to say, i’ve spent the last week in a range of emotions that nobody should have to endure in their lifetime. i think i’ve lost several pounds on the “crushing depression” diet. and she knew i had feelings for her but didn’t think i was going to be as good to her as this guy. who she hasn’t seen for four years. who, although they knew each other before, is almost certainly not the same person she knew in high school. and so everything i’ve been working towards this past year and a half is gone in one weekend.

what does this have to do with quantum physics? it is this: my relationship with this girl was measured. the waveform collapsed — big time. and it is now forever different for the future. the fact that she has been one of my best friends i’ve ever had just adds insult to the injury, we can never go back again. she’s set determined to be with this guy now and she’s convinced herself that he cares too. and i can’t talk too much about how fast they’re moving because i was in a long term relationship that moved almost as fast. but most of my time with this girl was actual time spent together, and that means that as long as he’s around i will not be able to be around her. and she wants him to move in with her soon. so in the space of three days, we’ve gone from hanging out almost every day to we may never see each other again. if ever there was a candidate for the phrase “collapsing waveform” outside the realms of physics, i think this definitely qualifies. nothing makes sense right now, and every day is a challenge to make it through till tomorrow. but i have a lot on my plate this week, so i’m hoping it will be enough to help me get over the fact that the potential current love of my life is now no more than the proverbial dust in the wind….

well, my internet buddy callatya has tagged me with reaching into the current book at the top of my reading list, flipping to page 123 and posting the next three sentences after the first five sentences. today’s entry comes courtesy of frank herbert’s God Emperor of Dune and goes a little something like this:

“He did not like this place with its high walls all around from which attack might come. Idaho had sent scouts up there in the night and Moneo knew that some of them still lurked on the heights, but there were also ravines ahead before the marchers reached the river. And there had not been enough guards to station them everywhere.”

if anyone wants to play along, just take the current book you’re reading, open to page 123, read the first five sentences, then post the next three. and drop a line here if you want me to read what you’ve posted

i was listening to the radio on the way home from work today and they said the title of this post on the air. of course, they were referencing “attacks across iraq today” but it definitely got me to thinking about the peculiarity that is the english language. what other language exists that has so many words that sound alike but have completely different meanings? for that matter, what other language has so many words that are *spelled* the same but have different meanings? i haven’t studied all languages ever in the history of the world, but i have yet to find any which have these problems the same way english does. i’ve heard stories about japanese being similar in this regard but if someone who knows japanese can set me straight on this issue i’d love to know more. still, it’s a wonder that those of us who speak english can understand each other at all considering how these words stack up against each other.

and in other news, i found this story online while waiting for my work email to load. apparently there are a lot of registered sex offenders taking correspondence courses by applying for financial aid which is set aside for those needy students who can’t normally afford a college education. also apparently, there are a lot of lawmakers in this country who think that these ex-criminals don’t deserve to be using this money to actually pay for an education. now, i will completely agree that they should not be spending the leftover money on things that are not related to their education, but this is true for ALL students who receive pell grants and college financial aid.

when i used to get pell grants for college, i sure as hell didn’t spend the leftover on books and school supplies. unless by “books” you mean pizza, and by “school supplies” you mean beer. every college student does this, this is nothing new whatsoever. there are even students who sign up, get their financial aid check, and then drop classes for a full refund of the money. this is also nothing new whatsoever. where the outrage is coming from is the fact that these are sexual predators, registered as such with the various state agencies that deal with such crimes. and in our “tough on crime” society, we have politicians who would rather lock these people up and literally throw away the key than spend one single dime on educating them so that they can one day possibly be released into society again.

we already have laws which decide where these people can live, whether or not they can drive their own vehicle to and from work (assuming they can even *find* a job), how much time they can spend on the internet (if at all), and other limitations on their lives. but now that some of them want to get themselves an education using the law as it is already written, suddenly there is an outrage. yes it’s true that there are some registered sex offenders who have committed truly horrendous crimes against humanity. and some of them definitely deserve to be locked up for most of the rest of their lives. but the ones who are able to finish their sentences and get released back into society should not be held back if they want to better themselves.

as i have always said, it used to be a badge of honor to work yourself up from the bottom and make something of yourself. not only that, but supposedly with a little hard work you *can* make something of yourself in america. but more and more our society is closing its doors to all but the ones who can pay to play. if you don’t already have money, you are not as likely to have a chance to lift yourself up out of your situation. and god help you if you should be convicted of a sex crime, or a drug offense, because that means that you will never be allowed to go to school if you can’t afford to pay for it yourself. but if you were convicted of a sex crime or drug offense, good luck finding a place to hire you that will let you make enough money to afford to pay for college yourself, even a community college or correspondence course….

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/7215226.stm

for years i have heard from too many u2 apologists who make excuses for the sub-par music that their favorite band has produced in the last 15 years. when “achtung baby” came out and the band switched from a political rock band to one more concerned with radio play and airtime, i heard a lot of people say that u2 was just focusing on their music instead of their politics, that the music should be more important. i took this one in stride, because i definitely respect a band which would take time to release music that they want to sound the best it can be. but half the tracks on this album sound like they were afterthoughts, and the album as a whole was most definitely beneath the quality of “the joshua tree”. but then, nothing u2 has done has ever equalled the excellence of that album, so it’s not a fair comparison in hindsight.

but my main interest in u2 was always the fact that they were so strong in their political convictions, and especially on topics that i was also interested in: the ongoing conflict between britain and ireland, illegal whaling, apartheid south africa, and a few others. this was a band that i admired in all aspects of their personal *and* public lives. not only did they release some of the best music i had heard in my life, but they took some bold (in my mind at least) stances on issues that were difficult to solve. but then i heard bono sing the high praises of then world bank president james wolfensohn, and what a great job the world bank does worldwide. this despite the fact that the world bank gets countries out of poverty by putting the country’s resources in the hands of foreign investors who only want to profit at the expense of a country with an excessive amount of poor people who are ripe for exploitation.

so when i hear larry mullen and the edge say, after the release of “achtung baby” that they didn’t feel attached to the music, they were just putting this album out to make money off of it, my image of the band as a group of guys standing up for their ideals began to crumble. the apologists would say, again, that the band was focusing on the music, and why shouldn’t they be allowed to make money with their music? the problem with this argument, as i have always felt, is that if the music is only there to make money then how are they any different from the “hit machines” of top 40 radio? you know, the ones who have a few hits, make their money and then cash out before people realize they have no more musical talent than your average vending machine?

after “achtung baby” u2 released one mediocre album after another and my respect for their music has dwindled to little more than reliving the glorious years leading up to the joshua tree. i think the icing on the cake for this phenomenon was when they released a video for the song “vertigo” as an ipod ad before it even hit the stores in order to sell as many copies of “the u2 ipod” as possible. this band has been coasting for years and have been more concerned with commercial success than in creating the kind of music that inspired millions of people throughout their first decade as recording artists.

so yesterday, when u2’s manager paul mcguiness came out in favor of forcing ISP’s to prevent people from downloading music not approved by the recording industry, i was forced to finally admit that u2 is nothing more than a bunch of money hungry millionaires who care not one whit for fans of music. the music industry succeeded for so many years because people were forced to pay inflated prices on media costs. that cd your favorite record store puts on the shelf and prices at $15? it costs the publishing company less than a dollar to pump one out. that other $14 you pay goes to lining the pockets of the recording industry, and if the artist has negotiated a good contract they may see $1 from each cd sale, if that. so for industry folks to try to pretend that the artists are suffering is really not happening at all. what’s going on is that industry executives see their six martini lunches threatened by a changing market and they want to prevent that market from innovating them out of existence.

the basis of an economy is the law of supply and demand. when the consumers demand something, the economy reacts by trying to increase supply. but when consumers demand a downloadable, digitally encoded file instead of a clunky, plastic ring to listen to their favorite music, the suppliers are fighting tooth and nail to keep that from happening. they want to force the world to keep paying $15 too much for that plastic ring because then their profits are continually assured year after year as long as they keep an absolute dictatorship over the supply source. if this were truly about artists not making any money on the music they create then the industry should renegotiate those contracts and give the artists a bigger slice of the music sales pie.

radiohead just proved that an established band doesn’t need a big name label to get people to buy their music. this is what the true issue is where internet-based music is concerned. the artists make the vast majority of the money off of concerts and merchandise, not in cd sales. i have friends who are literally “starving artist” musicians who don’t care if they give away their cd’s as long as people support them by coming to hear them play and telling their friends what great musicians they are (links to come for anyone who is still reading who wants to support some great musicians! ) the point is, that music can still be given away for free and the artists will not have to starve for it. the ones who are afraid of starving are the people who cling to an antiquated, dying industry in the hopes that they can continue to line their pockets on the backs of the musicians and artists who get pennies on the dollar for each album purchased in a store somewhere.

on that note, here are some GREAT musicians that you should support in any way you can because they are making some of the best music you’ve never heard before:

Ryan Hanifl — his latest CD “Sourpuss” is an amazing journey of sound and emotion.

Arrica Rose and the …’s — a local folk rock band featuring some of the most dedicated musicians i have ever met in my life. plus arrica and her guitarist abby kincaid are part of a group of female musicians calling themselves The Bombshell Alliance which is set up as a charity for some very good causes. these ladies are worth supporting just on that alone, but they still produce some incredible music too!

Curtis Peoples — Curtis likes to put an 80’s retro sound on some pop hooks and turn it into something that sounds familiar but yet still brings you in with its energy and passion.

Ernie Halter — Ernie has an amazing voice and a great flair for arrangement in his songs. plus you get to play the “Ernie Halter drinking game” that i invented. every time Ernie says “Love” in a song, take a shot. (ok ernie, it’s a joke, please don’t hurt me! )

Joey Ryan — Joey puts an amazing sound together between himself and his guitar that i have yet to hear from another artist. and it’s his birthday in a little over a week, so get some of his music just for that reason!

The Elevaters — I took a friend to see these guys play last week and she thought they were one of the best bands she’s seen in a long time. they play a funk/soul/hip hop fusion which turns into some of the most energetic music you will see onstage. these guys also have big hearts off the stage and will be playing some charity benefit concerts in the LA area this week. definitely another band to support just for their dedication to these issues alone.

Laura Jansen — I used to call Laura Jansen “the little girl with the big voice” when i would describe her to anyone who had never heard her before. she is definitely one artist that you should not miss if you have a chance to see her play because it’s hard to believe that she has such a powerful voice if you don’t experience it for yourself in person.

and last but not least Sara Hickman. I can’t say enough about this lady and what she does, both musically and life in general. Sara is one of those musicians whose heart is bigger than her fan base. she works with half price books and other charities to provide poor and sick children the opportunity to have access to books. i have written about sara before in these pages, so i won’t say too much more about her, except that she is one of my favorite people on this planet and i feel privileged to have met her on more than one occasion.

these artists, and others like them, are the ones who everyone should be supporting in any way they can. the best way would be to pay for a ticket to see their shows. but if you can’t do that, as long as you make other people aware of the kind of talent they possess and help them reach out to more and more interested fans then we can prevent people like paul mcguiness and the u2’s and metallica’s of the world telling us how we are allowed to spend our money on music. don’t forget that the music market is built on supply and demand. if you don’t demand it, they won’t supply it. and if they stop allowing music to be freely shared among fans, then music made by artists like the above may never be heard.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7214524.stm

the above article says that there is an asteroid poised to make a very close pass by earth, albeit at a distance just outside the range of the moon. at that distance there’s not really much that can be done except to just watch it go by. which is of course what astronomers all over the planet will be doing once it makes its approach.

on the other hand, there is a satellite ready to crash into the earth sometime next month. since it’s considered a spy satellite, there is a lot of talk about the best way to bring it down. my one concern is: if it falls on your property and causes a lot of damage, how does your insurance cover it? i mean, it’s not exactly an act of god since humans put it up there and humans were the ones who lost control of it. but i doubt your average insurance company is going to have satellite insurance just on the off chance that your home gets demolished by space debris. although lloyd’s of london will probably write something up for you if you can afford to pay the premiums…

just finished listening to this song (from the title) not too long ago. this particular piece always puts me in the mood of that time right after high school, when i was kicked out of college for my horrendous grades, spending my nights at my dad’s house outside for hours at a time just staring up at the sky, making up my dreams and goals in life. at the time, it meant getting high and watching the stars, trying to learn their secrets. of course, one of the side benefits of this practice is that i can still pretty accurately tell the time at night (in the summertime) just by the position of the stars in the sky.

i have to say that i am definitely not where i imagined myself to be at that time in my life. but this is the path life sets us on, and we either go with the flow or fight against it. but no matter how much fighting we do, we will still find ourselves where fate leads us. people argue all the time whether or not we have free will to make our own decisions, or if some other power is making them for us and we just have to accept that our lives are not in our control. personally, i believe that we make choices that put us on a path to our destiny, but the decisions we make in our lives determine whether or not we go gracefully or kicking and screaming.

especially i feel lately that i am again missing something in my life, and i am hard pressed to figure out what exactly is missing. maybe it’s the budding political season calling me back to activism, or it could be that dusty acoustic guitar in the corner waiting for me to come pick it up and breathe life into those old songs again. or maybe it’s something i have yet to experience and won’t realize what it is until it finally happens. i am reminded of a verse from the indigo girls’ song “love’s recovery”, which pretty much sums up this feeling in a few lines, and which was exactly how i would have described that period of my life. i only wish i could have written is as well as emily saliers did:

There I am in younger days.
Stargazing
Painting picture perfect maps
Of how my life and love would be
Not counting the unmarked paths of misdirection
My compass, faith in love’s perfection
I missed a million miles of road I should have seen.

what it all comes down to, is that we all serve some purpose in life and even when we think we’ve found ours, something else may come along that takes precedence over that. or maybe it just feels better (or worse, depending on your perspective). but until we make that choice, we may never know exactly what it is we should or could have done with our lives, or how we may have changed the world with just one idea. even the things that distract us ultimately shape who we are and how we see the world. hopefully we will all make choices that make the world better for the next generation and beyond.

I lay my head on the railroad track
Stare at the sky all painted up
Your train is gone, won’t be coming back
See the constellation ride across the sky
No cigar, no lady on his arm
Just a guy made of dots and lines
Just a guy made of dots and lines

Two years ago moved from my town
I was looking up past the city lights
But the city lights got in my way
See the constellation ride across the sky
No cigar, no lady on his arm
Just a guy made of dots and lines
Just a guy made of dots and lines

I found my mind on the ground below
I was looking down, it was looking back
I was in the sky all dressed in black
See the constellation ride across the sky
No cigar, no lady on his arm
Just a guy made of dots and lines
Just a guy made of dots and lines
Just a guy made of dots and lines

Can you hear what I see in the sky?
Can you hear what I see in the sky?
Can you hear what I see in the sky?

i spent christmas night in the last place anyone wants to be: the hospital ER. my cousins were on the way to visit and were rear-ended by a motorcycle who failed to stop when my cousins pulled to the side and put their hazard lights on. this is how it happened:

apparently one of my cousins, who has a 1yr old, pulled over because the baby was acting sick. i am not clear whether or not this means that the baby was spitting up, or choking or what. all i know is that he and his wife pulled over to take care of the baby. his father, who was driving a minivan with 5 of his kids in the van, pulled over on the left side of the road and walked across to his son to find out why he stopped. they talked for a minute or so, and the father walked back to the van. at this time, some guy on a 1980’s yamaha motorcycle did not stop or slow down and plowed right into the van. the biker was killed, if not instantly, then very soon after impact. four of my cousins were taken to the ER to be x-rayed, cat scanned, and whatever other tests needed to be run. they were all eventually released when it was clear that there was no lasting damage at all.

the one i really feel for is the motorcyclist. his family had to go to the ER as well. only in his case, they were shown the inside of the morgue instead of getting to take him home at the end of the night. it’s really had me thinking and appreciating just how lucky i have been to have lived to my current age without any major problems (*knock on wood*). it’s also been on my mind that no matter how well prepared you are for life, something like this can happen and completetly change the entire situation. not only that, but it’s completely out of your control despite your best efforts. the one thing i will always take with me from this experience is to savor as many of the moments i have together with my family, because they may not be coming back next time…..

so i took a trip up to san francisco the weekend before last for the green festival because a friend was one of the organizers and also because i had never seen “the city by the bay” before. just to give a little background into the theme of this post, i drove up to san fran on I-5, and came back on US 101. even though taking the 101 back was a good 70-ish miles longer, i really wanted to see a different part of the state than the same one i took to get there. also, it was a sunday night, and i had a feeling (more like a fervent wish) that there would be very little traffic once i got back to LA. of course, as any one who lives in LA can tell you, there is almost never a good time to drive through the valley on the 101 no matter what day it is.

my biggest observation, and something that i’ve been thinking about ever since i went up there, is how much everything in this country is set up to be exactly the same no matter where you go. drive on the highway and you get the same green signs with the same font no matter if you’re in california, texas, wisconsin, new york, etc. even within the sub culture put forward by the green festival, there’s a certain same-ness there as well. not only with the presentation of the products, but the presentation of the attendees as well. all over you hear the same conversations going on but with different people having them. the same language to describe the same conditions and settings, and the same side conversations when one of them goes off on a tangent.

i worked for a non-chain pizza restaurant for many years and one of the owners would always complain when customers would call up and say that something they ordered one night was terrible because it wasn’t exactly like the last one they ordered. he would smooth things over with the customer, but off the phone he would always bitch about how “people expect mcdonald’s” when they order food. meaning that everyone thinks that when they don’t make it themselves it should be exactly the same every time they order it. i first heard him talking about this several years ago but it never sank in how far flung the phenomenon is until that weekend in san francisco.

i’ve only ever been to two other countries, not counting the couple hours in toronto’s aiport which doesn’t really qualify. but in mexico, even in a border town, the only things that looked cookie-cutter made were the american businesses that came over the border to give the americans a taste of home in a foreign land. i found a similar thing in israel, but there’s was slightly different but yet still the same unless you were visiting the ancient areas of the country. but when you go near a financial area (aka - mall, strip mall, shopping area, etc) you find the same types of western societal sameness, only most of the writing is in hebrew instead of english. in some cases, it was the phonetic hebrew version of the english name.

i have always known that america has been about assimilation and common experience, but when it is forced on us this way, it seems so artificial. actually, no, it IS artificial! there should be no reason for our cities to be the same but with differently shaped buildings. except for the famous bridges and the giant hills, i really could not tell the difference between san francisco and a place like madison, wisconsin, as long as i wasn’t standing where i could see downtown.

even going into the local organic food-type market, it was set up just like any other organic food store no matter what brand of store you were shopping in. whole foods looks like trader joes looks like rainbow foods looks like outpost looks like any other damn store that caters to that type of clientele.

“i hate walmart”
words and music by dave lippman

I’ve always hated Blockbuster
Starbucks, not quite so much
If I’m not boycotting at least three oil companies
I start to feel out of touch
I wouldn’t be seen near Nordstorm or any such
and I hate Walmart

I don’t like whips, I don’t like chains
I don’t go chopping up my neighbor’s brains
Don’t really even like shopping
Except at the flea mart
and I hate Walmart

Now you may wonder, what’s all the fuss?
If you don’t like the train — take the bus!
Well I’ve found religion
and just between us
I hate Walmart

If you didn’t hear the story, well here’s how it is
Big company sells below cost
Drive mom and pop out of biz
Pretty soon all over the land
One big square store, identical brand
And that’s why I hate Walmart

Used to be you could drive around
Stop in at three or four towns
and count up different sites and sounds
Different if not unique
Different accents
Different smells
Different things to buy and sell
Now it’s all Taco Bell
I hate Walmart

Roads used to dip and wind
You drive slow, relax your mind
Never knew what you’d find around the next bend
But now the freeway goes so straight
It’d go right past the pearly gates
I don’t feel human
I feel like freight!
I hate Walmart

I like to roam, I like to greet
Individuals on the street
You always know the one you meet is one of a kind
But more and more it seems to me
Reflections of something on TV
When we’re all alike nobody’s free
I hate Walmart

I boycott Burger King
I boycott Newt Gingrich
I boycott everything which I’ve seen advertised
Used to go out to dinner in a diner
Now they say fast food is finer
But it tastes like it fell out of an airliner
It’s enough to make you weep

I don’t like board games
I don’t like brand names
They make inflated claims
They’re full of bleep
Everyone I know is a high tech dealer
Wants to sell me a digital potato peeler
And I don’t like Garrison Keeler cause he’s so white

Turn on my radio dial, like to hear something new once in awhile
But it’s the same old crap in a brand new style
It’s audio rape
But still I try to pick and choose
I turn the dial but I always lose
They only play the worst rock and roll
and maybe if you’re lucky maybe one little rhythm and blues
And that’s why God made tape

Used to be we wore beads and bells
Made our own clothes in our own way
Now we all wear uniforms that say
Hard Rock Cafe
We’re in a state of sartorial decay and that’s why
I hate Walmart

If there’s a pretty spot they pave it over
Put a cloverleaf over a four leaf clover
Black paint on the White Cliffs of Dover
It never fails
Hope you like this song, thanks a bunch
Could go on but I gotta go eat lunch
If you didn’t like it I’ve got a hunch
You work in sales

So grow your own
Make your own
Be careful what you own
Develop non-shopping to an art
And whatever you do
Don’t shop at Walmart!